Nightmares
by DesiringMagic
Summary: The Doctor doesn't sleep much. Maybe it's because he doesn't need to. Or maybe it's because of the dreams that haunt him when he does. Just a little something I whipped up before class and decided to extend it to show the perspective of 9, 10, 11, and 12. Hope you enjoy! (Rated T for images and I'm paranoid)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Nightmares of the Soldier

Blood.

Blood everywhere.

He's drenched. Blood covering every inch of his body. He's trembling.

He looks up and sees bodies surrounding him. The bodies of people he hates. The bodies of people he loves. The bodies of people he never even knew. Their blood is what's covering him.

He starts to walk, or at least he tries to.

He staggers and falls to his hands and knees. Breathing faster and harder.

Something grabs at him and he pulls away, falling onto his back.

There at his feet lies a child. She's trying to use her arms to move because her legs are severed. She's trying to reach him; almost like she's sure he can save her. But a closer look of her face doesn't reveal trust or hope. But hatred. Pure hatred.

He looks at her outstretched hand and sees that she's holding a piece of broken glass that's cutting away at her palm.

She's trying to stab him. Trying to make him bleed like she is. She must know that the blood covering him isn't his but of the evil like him. Of the innocent like her.

_I didn't mean for this to happen._

He tries to back away but hits a wall instead. He looks toward the child again and sees that others are with her. They're all headed his way. They're all trying to kill him like he killed them.

He picks himself up, trying to find a way out. But he's trapped.

_Please. I didn't have a choice. Please don't._

They're coming in waves now, from all sides. Covered in scars and cuts. They're crawling on their hands or knees, never on both.

He's crying out now. Shouting for someone to help him. But he knows it's useless. Who would want to help a murderer?

They close in on him, carrying the same piece of broken glass, ready to pierce it in and rip his skin. They're so close now that he can see the reds of their eyes. They all lift their arms up high.

"DON'T!"

He's drenched. Not in blood but in sweat. He gasps for air but the tightening in his chest makes him feel like he can't get enough. He hears the low hum of the TARDIS trying to sooth him. It only works to agitate him even more. For a ship with infinite space, why does it make him feel so claustrophobic?

He reaches for his jacket and clutches it around himself as he desperately stumbles for the exit.

The sudden rush of cold air against hot skin serves to wake him up. It's snowing.

He tries to calm his breathing as he grips the jacket tighter around himself. The cold air numbs his senses and for a second he feels calmer.

A crash behind him makes him jump, causing him to hit his shoulder on the corner of the TARDIS. Muttering curses under his breath, he looks around and sees a young woman lying on the ground. The snow around her turns from bright white to crimson red as blood seeps out of her head and onto the snow.

She looks strangely familiar, a fact that causes a shiver to go down his spine.

He's too shaken to do anything except stare. Cries from nearby knock him out of his stupor, and he rushes back into the TARDIS, frantically pushing buttons and pulling levers. He doesn't even think about helping. It's too late for that. He needs to escape.

It takes a while for him to calm down again. Once he's sure he's far away he lets his mind wander back to the young woman lying dead in the snow.

Jealousy surges through him.

She may be drenched in blood, but at least it's her own.

**Author's Note:**** So how was it? I've never done anything like this before and it's my first Doctor Who fic. I was trying to convey his feelings right after the Time War - I hope that came across. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Nightmares of the Lonely God

He had been walking for what seemed like hours. He didn't mind it, though. He liked walking around. Getting exercise. He liked keeping in shape and having a spring to his step.

If only the view was better. There was only sand. For miles and miles. The place felt strangely familiar. Maybe he had been here before but was too busy to notice all the sand.

He shrugged. Wouldn't be the first time.

Also, he still didn't know how he had gotten there in the first place. Once again: wouldn't be the first time. He just had this nagging feeling that he had to keep walking. He'll come across something eventually. He just hoped that 'eventually' would come soon: he was getting annoyed with all the sand seeping into his shoes.

Almost like an answer to his prayer, he suddenly caught sight of something off in the distance among all of the sand. He quickened his pace. Maybe he could finally get some answers. As he drew closer he noticed that it wasn't 'something' but 'someone'. That brought a smile to his face. It was nice to know that he wasn't alone here.

_"Hello! Sorry to bother, but can you help me?"_ He called out to the someone.

No reply.

_"Excuse me? Sir- or Ma'am- or… Thing."_ He added hastily. He didn't want to be slapped and left stranded again just because he had insulted someone's gender. But there was still no response.

He got closer and saw something that made him stop in his tracks.

Blonde hair.

_What? But that's impossible._

He soon found himself making a run for it. He desperately willed his legs, which suddenly felt like they weighed a ton, to carry him to her. To his Rose.

_"ROSE!"_

She turned toward him and he felt a smile and tears form when he saw her beautiful face again.

_"Doctor!"_ She cried happily, waving her arm as she too started to run toward him.

This was it! And no Dalek in sight!

A powerful gust of wind suddenly blew from behind, almost tripping him over and onto the sand. He quickly caught himself and looked back up to find that Rose had been lifted off her feet. She was screaming. His heart stopped.

She was being blown away. No. She was being sucked in.

_"Doctor!"_

_"HOLD ON!"_ But there was nothing for her to hold onto.

_"Doctor! Help me!"_ Her hand reached out for him. He extended his as he drew closer to her.

_"HOLD ON!"_ He was so close now. Hope sprang into his chest. He could do it this time. He could save her.

He tried to reach further out, the tip of his finger almost grazing hers. He jumped for it and fell hard against the sandy floor. His breathing was heavy but a smile crept onto his face at feeling a weight in his arms. He looked down.

Sand.

Just a bunch of sand.

_"Rose?"_ His voice shook. The sand slipping through his trembling fingers.

He desperately searched through the sand at his knees. Nothing.

_"Rose! Rose, please!"_

_"Rose! Rose! It's always about her isn't it?"_ Someone spat in a mocking tone.

_"Martha?"_ She was standing before him. Arms crossed and defiant.

_"I risked everything for you! I walked all over the Earth and faced the Master to save you! I looked after you when you were human and fell for some other girl. And what do I get? Screams, disapproval, mistreatment!"_

_"Martha, please. I-"_

_"I just can't do this anymore. I deserve someone better than you. Someone who doesn't put me in danger every five minutes and actually cares about me."_ She turned and made for the opposite direction.

_"Martha, please don't leave! Don't leave me alone!"_ He got to his feet and hastily reached for her shoulder.

_"Don't Touch Me!"_ She shouted as she dissolved into a heap of sand upon contact with his hand.

His breathing escalated. His legs felt like jelly and he stumbled back.

_"Oi! Watch it, Spaceman!"_ Someone pushed him and he tripped onto his hands and knees. His breath caught in his throat as he realized who it was.

Why was she here!? She can't see him. She can't realize who he is. But she already did.

_"Hey, Martian! Are you going to be lying there all day or are we-"_

A piercing scream cut her rant short. He wheeled around and rushed toward her crouching form.

_"Donna! Donna, please, calm down!"_ She was screaming and clutching her head,

_"My head! It hurts! What's happening to me!?"_

_"Donna, please! Let me help you!"_ She was clawing at her head, yanking hair out.

_"It Hurts! Why did you do this to me!? It's all your fault!"_ He tried to ignore the stabbing of her words. He needed to save her.

_"I'm sorry."_ He choked out as tears rolled down his face at seeing his best friend suffer such excruciating pain. _"I'm so sorry."_

He pulled her hands away from her head and took it in his. Maybe he could erase her memory again.

_"Don't! Please! Don't make me go back! Let go of me!"_ Suddenly, she too turned to sand.

_"Donna!?" _

"DONNA!" Tears were flowing freely down his face and splashing onto the floor of the TARDIS. He was alone again. No sand, just him and his guilt and loneliness curled up on the cold floor of his faithful ship. He was gasping for oxygen to enter his lungs. Sweat covering him.

Why!? Why did he have to fall asleep AGAIN!?

He pulled at his hair and hugged himself. His body shaking from the force of his sobs. He didn't bother to try to control them this time. He had had enough. He just wanted to let go.

He just wished, just this once, that he could turn to dust along with everyone else.

**Author's Note:**** So here's Ten's chapter. Sorry it took so long to upload. My initial idea for Ten didn't go the way I wanted and it took me a while to come up with something else. I don't like it much, though. It's not as strong as I wanted it to be. The inspiration for this came from that scene in 'The Lazarus Experiment' where he tells Lazarus that 'if you live long enough, the only certainty left is that you'll end up alone.' Love that speech. This is intended to take place after 'The Planet of the Dead' and before 'The Waters of Mars'. So what'd you think? Don't hesitate to say that it sucks. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Nightmares of the Lost Child

Another dead end.

He was lost. Again.

Frustration engulfed him as he pounded his fists against the crumbling stone wall. His hands ached as he crashed them against stone for the millionth time. Blood was already beginning to seep through his scraped skin but he didn't care. Not when there was so much at stake already.

Distant screaming made him go rigid. The never ending screaming.

It was far away but he felt like it was happening right in his ears. Sometimes he wondered if the screaming was even real. Maybe he had really become a madman and was just imagining it.

_No. It's real. This is real._

He shook his head and turned around, racing down the path he had just come from.

_Turn left. Not right, left._

The high-pitched screaming continued and he quickened his pace. He needed to reach her. He had to save her before she was killed again. But how was he supposed to do that when he couldn't even get out of this DAMN MAZE in time?

He slowed down a bit and tired to catch his breath. Why hadn't he bothered to memorize the different paths the last hundred times he'd been here?

_Because there isn't TIME. There's never enough time._

The screaming grew louder and he began to run again. He was closer now. He could feel it. He rushed through the stone paths, the only sounds coming from his mouth and hers.

He felt the temperature begin to drop and saw his breath come out in puffs in front of him. The cold air stung at his lungs and bit at the cuts across his hands but he didn't stop. He wasn't about to let her down again.

_Not this time._

The screaming abruptly ended and made him stop dead in his tracks.

_No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no._

_"Amy! AMY!"_

He didn't wait for a response. He knew he wasn't going to get one. He just resumed turning corners, hoping that the next one would bring him to her.

The next turn brought him to a lake. It seemed to extend for miles and miles and reflected dark blue light all around him. But he didn't notice; his attention was draw to something else.

A little far off into the lake he saw a down-turned, floating body. His heart dropped.

_"AMY!"_ He rushed into the lake, his aching legs fighting against the water as he waded toward her lifeless body.

Finally reaching her, he turned her around and hugged her to him, trying to give her some warmth even though deep down he knew it was too late. He frantically wiped her vibrant hair away from her face and winced when he saw the blue hue of her skin.

_"Amy?"_ His voice cracked as he tried to fight back tears.

_"Amy, I'm here. You're ok now. Amelia, Please."_ Clouds of white breath fell out of his mouth and framed her face. He tried to ignore the fact that none were coming out of hers.

_"It's too late now. You failed. Again."_

His hold on her body tightened as a familiar man made his way toward them. He was walking on the water, chin tilted high in defiance.

_"You were late again. Don't you ever learn?"_

_"Please, just give me another chance. I'll get it right this time. Just give me one more chance."_

_"What were you doing this time?"_ The man asked, ignoring his pleas.

_"You probably got side tracked. Got curious, like you always do. You figured 'Ah, I got plenty of time. She can wait a minute while I explore and save other worlds.' So you went dallying around, playing hero, while she waited for you. She always ends up waiting for you. And you always come a little too late."_ Revulsion laced the man's voice as he looked down at him. He almost wanted to hide. That stare was colder than the water.

_"Stop! Please, just give me one more chance. I can save her this time. I will."_

_"NO! You ALWAYS say that! You ALWAYS say that you can save them, BUT YOU NEVER DO! You risk their lives to save others who don't even matter!"_

_"Yes, they do! Everybody matters! Everybody's important!"_

_"Not like her! Not like them! Or have you forgotten about them, Doctor? Have you forgotten about every single one of your friends who've traveled with you? People who were there for you. To help you. To stop you from being lonely. To stop you from becoming a monster. People who risked and GAVE UP their lives for YOU! But, of course, what does that matter as long as you get what you need, right?"_

A wry smile formed on the man's face.

_"You're as much to blame as I am."_

_"How so?"_

_"You're ME!"_

_"And it DISGUSTS me to be you. Having to carry all that guilt and sadness and pain. I'm surprised you haven't pulled the trigger yet. Of course, we both know you never will. You're too much of a coward for that."_

He flinched as his own face lowered dangerously close to his.

_"You. Repel. Me."_

Suddenly he felt something grasp his ankle and try to drag him under the lake. He grasped Amy's body even harder, trying to keep his head above water.

_"Now, it's time for you to go. And don't worry,"_ The man bent down and lifted Amy's body. He tried to keep hold of Amy's hand to keep from being dragged into the lake. _"I'll take good care of her, and everybody else who had the misfortune to be in your care. Heaven knows you never did."_

His grasp easily slipped from Amy's hand as the man turned to carry her away.

_"NO! AMY!"_

His head became submerged in water. He kicked and grasped around for anything to hold onto to keep from sinking further. He gasped for air but met water. He was drowning. Everything went pitch black.

Then… he was in the TARDIS. He was pulling at his shirt as he took in gulps of air. He must have been holding his breath: he felt light-headed. He suddenly felt something push up inside him and turned over to empty the contents of his stomach onto the floor.

At least this time it's not tears or claustrophobia.

**Author's Note:**** So what do you think about Eleven's chapter? I'm actually pretty proud of this one and I'm warming up to Ten's. Maybe it's just because we're only three weeks away from the 50th. *shrugs* Well, this one was inspired by that beautiful quote from 'The God Complex', the Doctor/Dreamlord interaction from 'Amy's Choice', the fact that the Doctor always seems to leave Amy and never comes back when he plans to, and the guilt that he feels for hurting the people he travels with (kinda carrying over from Ten). It takes place after 'The Angels Take Manhattan' and before 'The Snowmen'. Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The Nightmares of the Unknown

He hadn't slept a wink since his regeneration.

_How long ago was that? Three months?_

"Five, actually."

He jumped a little, silently cursing his new tendency to voice every thought without meaning to.

"Has it really been that long? My, how time flies. And I don't even feel tired!" He lied. He always felt tired now, not just because of the new old body. The worse part was that she knew that too.

"Doctor, I know Timelords don't need much sleep, but you really need to rest."

"No I don't." He responded a little too quickly.

"Doctor." She replied sternly. Upon seeing that he wasn't going to say anything she continued. "If I didn't know any better, which I do, I'd say that you're afraid to fall asleep."

"Please, Oswin. That's just ridiculous." He replied as he turned to face her and stumbled back from shock of finding her so close. He knew she was trying to examine him so he turned back to the console to avoid her gaze.

Ever since she had jumped into his timestream it had become easier for her to read him; and it seemed like his recent regeneration had facilitated that, much to his dismay. He was like an open book to her now. He hated it.

"Wh-Why would I be afraid to sleep?" He asked while walking around the console to evade her, thinking that she would follow behind. However, she had other thoughts and walked the opposite direction, effectively blocking his way.

"You're so predictable." She said with a smirk on her face.

"Am not." He said, annoyed. But she wasn't having any of it and stood her ground.

"Oswin, seriously, I'm fine." He went back to fiddling with the controls.

"Why are you so afraid?"

"I'm not." He pushed his glasses to the top of his head as he drew his face closer to the monitor to read the words he had already read a million times over.

"Is it because of the nightmares?"

He froze.

"If you already know, then why are you asking?" Subtle anger laced his voice. He turned toward her but only saw blurs. He didn't want to put his glasses back on and see the pity on her face. He didn't want her pity.

"I'm not giving you pity."

He sighed, closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He could feel her get closer to him but refused to open his eyes and just dropped his hand to his side, using the other to lean on the console. He felt her hands touch his graying hair and knew she was reaching for his glasses to reposition them on his nose again.

"Doctor, look at me." His gaze settled on hers. She was right: no pity. Just worry and an attempt to comfort.

"They're just nightmares, Doctor. They're not real."

"That's easy for you to say." He replied with contempt. "You're not the one having them." He took a step back from her and returned his incomplete attention to the console. She sighed.

"Looks like we're gonna have to go with plan B."

He furrowed his brows. "What are you-"

Then, out of nowhere, the TARDIS seemed to shut herself down. The lights dimmed down and the humming stopped. He looked around incredulously between her and the TARDIS console.

"What did you do!?" He shouted while pushing buttons and pulling levers. Nothing.

"I didn't do anything. For once," She patted the console affectionately. "She agrees with me." She flashed him a wide smile.

"Clara, this isn't funny. Stop this now."

"Oh, so now I'm Clara again. Boy, you must be really angry." She replied playfully.

"As a matter of fact, I am. Now fix this."

"I'm not the one doing it, the TARDIS is. And she won't let you take the lead again until you agree to get some rest. So it's up to you really."

He tried to give her the best death glare he could muster but she seemed unaffected and continued to smile back.

"Fine." He whispered reluctantly and grunted when she jumped into his arms to embrace him.

"But I'm not sleeping. Only resting."

"Yeah, sure." She replied dismissively as she pulled him by the hand and led him to the library. She settled him onto one end of the couch and laid herself down pulling her legs up, placing her head on his lap, and covering her body and his legs with a blanket.

"You sure put a lot of thought into this didn't you?"

She just smiled back.

"You know I'm just going to leave as soon as you fall asleep, right?" He said smugly.

"That's why I put my head on your lap. Unfortunately for you, I'm a light sleeper so if you do try to leave, you'll just wake me up and all this will start all over again."

He didn't try to hide the annoyance from his face.

"You know, it might help if you tell me about your nightmares."

"I very much doubt it. How do you even know I have nightmares?"

"Well, besides the fact that I jumped into your timestream, you had one when you passed out after you regenerated. I was able to wake you up but you probably don't remember since you passed out again soon after."

"Did… did I say what it was about?"

"No. You just told me not to leave you alone and held onto me. Kind of like you're doing right now."

He looked down at her and saw that he was clutching her hand for dear life. He quickly let go but she caught it in hers again and held it tighter still.

"You don't have to tell me your nightmares if you don't want to. Just please try to rest. Ok?"

He had a feeling that the only reason she wasn't pushing was because she already knew most of the details but he didn't argue. They fell into a comfortable silence and soon she fell asleep. He stared down at her peaceful form and stroked her hair.

"I am afraid." He said quietly. "But not of falling asleep. I'm afraid of never waking up. I'm afraid to see what the nightmares are this time and have to watch them turn into reality. It seems they always do.

"I'd rather not know what's coming, because if I do, then it'll hurt more. It hurts more when you know but can't do anything to stop it. And I know that I don't have to have these nightmares to have an idea of what's eventually going to happen. But at least I can control the thoughts when I'm awake. When I'm asleep… it all just comes crashing down… all at once. And I don't know if I can take that again. At least not with this old body."

He smiled weakly and ran a hand through his hair as he took a deep breath to steady himself. He had begun to shake a little.

He stared at her a while longer before slipping his hand from her now weak hold and carefully lifted her upper body to get up from the couch. He chuckled lightly to himself when he saw her snuggle tighter into the blanket instead of waking up like she said she would.

_Some light sleeper she is._

"I am." She flashed him a lazy smile upon seeing his baffled expression. "And no, you didn't say that out loud. You're just that predictable."

He shot her an annoyed look but couldn't help the smile from creeping onto his face.

"I told you it would help."

His smile widened. _Of course she heard._

"Goodnight, Doctor." She mumbled before turning over to cuddle into the backrest of the couch.

"Goodnight, Oswin."

**Author's Note:**** So this is Twelve's chapter (and yes, it's Peter as the Doctor). What do you think? I didn't want to make his chapter like Nine's, Ten's, and Eleven's since we know almost nothing about him. So I decided to make it about Clara trying to help him deal with the nightmares. As you can see, this takes place a while after his regeneration. **

**And I hope you enjoyed my headcanons: 1) Twelve wears glasses (all the time because he's as blind as a bat without them) which he pushes to the top of his head when looking at something closely, inspired by the fact that my own mom does this and Ten does the opposite and puts his specs ****_on_**** when looking at something closely; and 2) Twelve calls Clara 'Oswin' now and only uses her real name when he's really upset/angry/worried, I just thought it would be really cute if that actually happened (I really hope it does).**

**So, thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed. :D**


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